Pandemic and She-cession: the downward spiral of working moms.

“Since pandemic, working moms are not only the primary caretaker of the child, they are also  teacher to the online-schooler, counsellor & best friend, along with being the  cook, household help, disciplinarian, simultaneously trying to live their career aspirations and dreams that are sinking down into a void”

As a fourth generation working mom, its’ motherhood that made me more empathetic of my mom, grandmother & great grandmother. I always looked up to them as role models, but empathy came when I walked in their shoes.

Last year with first lockdown, dinner tables suddenly turned into office and school, phone and computers where work and study happens, our sole window to outside world.  The pandemic has played a disastrous part in working moms’ lives. Every day I get messages from friends and strangers with whom I share one common denominator, we are working mothers, seeking support. Most of us don’t have anyone to help us through our days (blame it on nuclear family culture and distance of lockdown ) Since pandemic, working moms are not only the primary caretaker of the child, they are also  teacher to the online-schooler, counsellor & best friend, along with being the  cook, household help, disciplinarian, simultaneously trying to live their career aspirations and dreams that are sinking down into a void.

A recent report by Mckinsey “For mothers in the workplace, a year (and counting) like no other”   starts with “Working moms are a resilient group, accustomed to juggling work responsibilities and family time with aplomb.”[1] Notice, how it is expected of working moms to multitask and if they fumble at work they are termed non serious, if they fumble in parenting, they are blamed for being career oriented, if something is wrong at home, they are again blamed for not being available. Most working moms don’t have anyone to leave the child with and schools were the only trusted place, which now remain closed. (I have taken my daughter to work so often for that reason). In India, it is increasingly difficult for mothers to leave child with help due to lack of dependability on system faltered background checks, no watertight contracts, trafficking and general lack of trust.

Dr. Margie Warell says “Domestic duties is amplified for working moms who are 1.5 times more likely to report additional 3 hours a day on domestic ‘chores’ – essentially another part-time job. It explains why an eye-popping 865,000 women left the U.S. workforce last September – coinciding with children returning to school, from home.”[2]

C Nicole Mason started to refer to the pandemic phenomenon of work loss for women as a “She-cession”   and many economists have followed suit analysing the long road to recovery to get the women back in workforce.

The “She-cession” will drastically reduce household income and will have a direct impact on consumer patterns of not just the middle class but lower class as well. For every working mom, creates jobs in her household. In Indian context, a working mother hires household help, tutors and drivers for their children, these jobs will be gone too in absence of urban working mom.

In a study by University of Southern California 44% women said they are also sole care provider for their children. These percentage are more than double in India. A lot of highly talented and educated women either move out of workforce or take up not so gratifying jobs, post child birth.  Yet what is forgotten it is these mothers who are raising the next generation, successfully, decade after decade.

Forbes quoted Lareina Yee of Mckinsey “It’s three to five hours of housework on top of your full-time job—a job and a half. When working moms say they feel exhausted and burnt out, there’s a reason for that.”[3]

However, ABC news reports that “Women between 25-44 are 3 times more likely to leave their work due to child care demands and children home from school.” [4]

The double duty that mothers are now dealing with has also taken a toll on their mental and physical health. Most working mothers I speak to have little time for self-care, forget a dedicated fitness routine. Women handle the maximum brunt of domestic duties.

As the Mckinsey report says “ Due to pandemic, one out of four working moms with young children have considered downshifting career or dropping out of workforce completely. This year has been an incredible test of resilience for women, and especially for working moms,”[5]

In countries like India, gender equality esp. for mothers has no importance in policy making (again most reforms are formulated by men), as there is a huge populace suffering for basics during pandemic, rights for women automatically take a backseat. However, what is forgotten even the maid working in your house, the female construction worker, the vegetable vendor, the ironing lady (press wali) is a working mom. They form backbone of urban working class, and when they suffer the economy suffers. The job loss for working moms is a trickle-down effect which will be magnified in future affecting cash flow in economy.

If you are a working woman or working mom with privileges and support system, do not judge the millions suffering silently.

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[1]https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/for-mothers-in-the-workplace-a-year-and-counting-like-no-other#

[2] https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2021/01/06/does-a-she-cession-loom-how-to-better-support-women-through-this-pandemic/?sh=581103743ece

[3] https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2021/05/17/the-future-for-working-moms-what-a-year-of-pandemic-life-taught-us/?sh=3ab6f0462300

[4] https://abcnews.go.com/US/huge-mental-toll-working-moms-struggle-year-pandemic/story?id=76184884

[5] https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/for-mothers-in-the-workplace-a-year-and-counting-like-no-other#

Life lessons from fencing

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” Man is nothing but the sum of his actions” -Jean Paul Sartre

I believe everything we do personally and professionally, makes us who we actually are.

Picking up a new sport in mid 30s is breaking out of comfort zone. Since early 20s I practiced meditation & had spiritual groups, so a sport with sword was unimaginable to my friends. Yet, Fencing has taught me valuable lessons that I carry in my day while I look forward to holding the blade.

1. Life gives a Moving Target: Why do we fall behind in achieving goals?  Theoretically, reaching your goal is a straight line between the target and you, but add the dynamism of life in play: somedays you lack motivation, you don’t have time, you  mindlessly browse your phone, you fail to prioritize, you promise to start tomorrow or maybe you are unwell.  Nothing in life is linear, there are ups and downs and no two days are ever alike. In fencing, your target is the opponent who’s constantly moving & stabbing, so you have to attack and defend. You assess the opponents move and strategize. To reach our goal, we must adjust our strategy depending upon the curveball life throws at us. The roadblocks to life’s goals are just opponent attacking, and to win, we have to go through the bout with improved game plan.
   
2. Observe yourself to improve: “An unexamined life is not worth living”- Socrates. Sometimes during practice, I record my moves and replay them to identify my mistakes and improve. This has also made me reflect upon my days, where can I save more time, how to be more efficient, how to react less and be more in control. If you just give 10 minutes to an activity a day, work or workout, that is an extra 1hour 10 minutes a week. Watch where your habits are draining you. Life is a constant process of observation, reflection and improvement.
   
3. Identify the source of problem and fix it: An extremely painful swollen knee, made me realize I can’t just numb the pain with icepacks, ointments & painkillers. I had to identify and fix the source of the problem. Fencing flared the existing problem, which was weak muscles of glutes, quads and tight hamstrings. Now I’m working to get stronger. Similarly, we have to identify source of problems in life. If it’s lack of time for something you want to do, then check your screen time and see which apps waste your time? If it’s weight loss, then did you count the indirect source of sugar in your diet?
   
4. Develop Mental fortitude: “ If you quit once, it becomes a habit” – Michael Jordan. Sometimes I want to give up before finishing my lunges but only a fool stops before the finish line? Often, We quit not because of physical pain but due to lack of mental resolve. The body will not even try, if the mind says, “I’m tired.” GRIT or perseverance makes us better than our old self and develops mental fortitude in every area of life. Practice esp. when you don’t feel like.
   
5. Talent is repeated hard work: “Genius too does nothing but learn first how to lay bricks then how to build, and continually seek for material and continually form itself around it”- Nietzsche
   As a working mom, my biggest excuse was time, now I practice at 5.30 am. My second excuse was long term anemia, so now I train in small intervals of 20 minutes. Yet, If I have to do 15 repetitions and I fumble on 13th, I restart my rep. It teaches focus, resilience and to stay dedicated at every step of an activity, whether work or play. When Passion peaks out and motivation is hibernating, GRIT makes us win. Nietzsche suggests that we often give in to mediocre existence as we think the other person has innate talent, not realizing that the person might have worked every day for hours to hone them self. First, learn the basics, keep practicing to make it run like clockwork and then speed will get you ahead. Remember how we learned math multiplication tables? 
   
6. Focus inculcates Speed and  quick decision  making. “Whatever the eyes see, the ears hear, the mind believes” -Harry Houdini
   When your opponent distracts by waving blade but their footwork is ready to attack, you have to assess and move fast. Such is life we are distracted by what’s on the surface. Our attention span has gone down due to constant distractions, the urge to check phone, to be fascinated by superficiality, to compare and get depressed. On days I have too much mental chatter or stress, I perform bad. Fencing needs speed and ability to read the opponent, it boils down to focus, as mental noise or emotional distraction only leads to failure. Even though you are holding a weapon, you are not angry. You are cautious and calculated. Fencing is requires meditative presence and thinking on your feet. In fact life also requires the same. The only long-term plan is to be prepared- whether in sports or life.
   
7. Self accountability : “Habits are not finish lines to be crossed, they are a lifestyle to be lived” James Clear. Nobody will push you to learn something new or follow through. You have to do it for yourself, and you have to check your progress. Your life is your project, and nobody cares if you don’t succeed. So, be true to yourself and track your habits.

Share your life lessons from your sport or hobby , and tell me how is it going for you?